So drunk its hurt
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
