I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
