I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
