don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
