That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
