Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
