if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
