Pappa wants mamma naked
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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