I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you win again, gameday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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