I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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