My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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