So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
