Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
