ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
