Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
