"it" just moved
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
