i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
