im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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