So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
