Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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