It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
