No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
