Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
