I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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