why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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