Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
bring money and cleavage
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
