he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
