one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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