There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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