my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
