1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
