My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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