so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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