How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
