We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
