This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
