Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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