Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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