Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
