I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
