Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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