the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
