i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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