sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
