so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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