i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
