you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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