my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A bitchslap is in order.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
