You can't motorboat a personality
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
