the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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