She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
