shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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